Crazy Happenings
by Rousdower
Summary: In which Nero is resurrected, Khan is woken up, Spock goes to use the restroom and Kirk is angry, surprised and flabbergasted.
1. Chapter 1

"What do you mean that somebody is in the top secret room in which all 73 augments are held!" James Tiberius Kirk hollered down his comm.

Scratch that- _Captain_ James Tiberius Kirk.

A muffled and scratchy response came out of the receiver.

"Fine! I'm on my way!" Captain Kirk climbed out of bed and threw on his uniform. With a hurried, "Sorry ladies" over his shoulder, he left his room, that now contained his possessions and two very disgruntled female Orions.

**At the compound in which is hidden the top secret room containing all 73 crytubes and an intruder-**

Kirk and Spock poked their head around a corner and squinted.

"Clear," muttered Kirk.

"Indeed," muttered Spock.

They snuck to a door and opened it, once again poking their heads around the corner. Kirk looked both ways with a shifty expression and started humming the Mission Impossible theme song.

"Captain, may I inquire as to what song you are humming and the reason you are jeopardizing our mission with it?" Spock asked, stoic as ever.

Kirk stopped humming and looked around innocently, "What song? I wasn't humming any song…"

Spock shushed him and they poked their heads around yet another corner and their they say their target.

A man in a long dark coat was keying open the door to the room that held the cryotubes and after that was accomplished, he slipped in without a sound.

"I believe that we should intercept him before he wakes up one of the augments, captain," Spock intoned seriously.

"Mmmm, no. I don't like that plan, how 'bout we go in that room right there-" Kirk pointed to the room in which the mysterious man had disappeared, "and catch him before he wakes up one of those human popsicles."

Spock stared at him and opened his mouth to reply, before thinking better of it and tilting his head a little instead.

They walked over to the door and opened it.

Inside, the figure in black was kneeling over one of the cryotubes and Kirk succeeded in startling said figure with a rather loud, 'Ahem'.

The figure straightened himself and pulled back his hood to reveal the face of none other than Nero himself.

Spock raised an eyebrow and Kirk started throwing a fit.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD! YOUR SHIP BLEW UP, SPOCK BLEW IT UP, DIDN'T YOU SPOCK!" he screamed.

"Actually, Captain, it was sucked into a wormhole, not blown up," Spock said, appearing totally unruffled by Nero's sudden appearence.

"SAME DIFFERENCE!" Kirk hollered.

They were both distracted by Nero, who finally decided to say something, "NYAH, NYAH, NYAH! Yes! I have returned! I fell through time and space, an eternity of pain and suffering, when I found myself in the stars and-"

"This is an illogical conversation, I am going to use the restroom," Spock said, before exiting. Both Nero and Kirk stared after him before locking gazes once more.

"What was I saying?" Nero asked, looking very confused.

Kirk shrugged and said, "Why don't we just cut to the 'I chase you, you run, I capture you' scene?"

Nero nodded, "Sounds good to me." And he began running.

Kirk lunged forwards with a mighty, "Get back here you son of a- _OOF!_"

The reason that the sentence above was ended like that, is that Kirk's forward momentum was impeded by none other than a cryotube. Kirk tripped and landed with his face pressed to the glass covering the face of the resident of said cryotube. A beep and a hiss split the silence and Kirk opened his eyes, only to find that he was staring into the icy blue orbs that belonged to none other than the great Khan Noonien Singh himself.

**A/N: Dun dun dun!**

**I am back with yet another ridiculous story that makes absolutely no sense at all! Yay! So, whoever is reading this- this kind of came to me and is going to be a three-shot and I really hope it makes you guys laugh. That's the purpose of these kinds of stories. They are also to make fun of Cpt. Kirk, whom I wholeheartedly hate.**

***grins* Drop a review and tell me what you think! Heehee.**

**Rousdower out *sashays away***


	2. Chapter 2

Captain Kirk clung to the lid of the cryotube as it swung up, releasing the superhuman contained inside. In one fluid movement, Khan was out of the cryotube and hauling Kirk off the lid (to which he was attached with a death grip). Kirk squeaked in protest.

Nero stood to the side, gleeful amusement written all over his face.

"You…" Khan hissed, his grip around Kirk's throat growing ever tighter.

Spock chose that moment to walk in the room. Biiiiiig mistake.

Khan's eyes widened and he dropped Kirk to the floor.

"YOU!" No longer whispering, Khan spit the word out in a fury filled bellow, "You, killer of my crew! You took my family from me!"

Spock lifted an eyebrow and said, calmly, "Before you take overly drastic measures, Mr. Singh,

Khan glared around and his jaw dropped. Tears gathered at the corners of his eyes, though, tough superhuman that he was, refused to let them fall, "My family…" he choked.

Though it was an entirely different type of choke that Captain Kirk was experiencing on the floor.

Nero watched with unrestrained delight.

Suddenly a flash of light dazzled everyone's eyes.

There, on the floor, was a little, fluffy, bunny.

Clearly shocked, everybody stared. Even Nero's gleeful look was erased.

The bunny twitched it's nose and cast a demure glance at it's surroundings, before addressing them in a majestic, booming voice, "I… am the Fluffy Accomplisher of Impossible Feats."

Both of Spock's eyebrows went up this time, "And what… is that supposed to mean?" he asked.

"I can do practically anything!" the bunny shouted indignantly, "Tell me to do something impossible. I'll do it!"

Nero spoke from his corner, "Make one appear, whose ability to be jaw-droppingly pathetic, exceeds Captain Kirk's ability to do so."

The bunny smirked, well, as much as a bunny can, and said, "Done."

In a flash of purple smoke, there appeared a very strange creature indeed. It's skin was a grey-ish color and it crawled about on all fours, wearing nothing but a loincloth. It was almost completely bald, with eyes as round as shot-glasses. After a minute of looking around with an expression of confusion, it said in a slightly high-pitched, croaky type of voice, "Were are we, precious? Where are we? One minute we are eating tasty fishes… and the next we are here?"

The rabbit sat up on it's hind legs and said, "I introduce you to… Gollum! One of the most pathetic creatures in existence."

"Make it go away!" Nero said, with uttermost disgust.

"As you wish." With a wave of it's fluffy little paw, the disgusting creature disappeared.

"Anymore requests?"

"Someone whose ears rival Spock's?" Kirk croaked (he was _still_ on the floor).

With a wave of it's fluffy paw and a puff of smoke, the bunny made yet another person appear.

This person, was even taller than Khan, dressed in long flowing robes and holding a wine glass. He had a startled expression on his face and his long flowing hair, was even more perfect than Spock's was. Kirk peered at the strange person's ears and saw that they had ears even pointier than Spock's.

"I introduce you to Thranduil, King of the Woodland Realm," the bunny said.

Thranduil looked down at the bunny, "Why, is there a talking rabbit?"

The rabbit glared up at him. The Elvenking (come on people, we all know it's him) just raised an eyebrow.

Kirk's mouth fell open, not only did his ears rival Spock's, but this Thranduil was almost like a prettier, slightly more emotive version of the Vulcan standing a few feet away.

"Anybody else?" the bunny said with a smug tone.

**A/N: This is probably the worst thing I've written yet… **

**It looks like it's just you an' me, Wunderkind. Seriously, you're the only reviewer. Which makes sense. You and me are probably the only people who like this kind of thing...**

**Give me a hand… I'm at a loss for what (or who) Khan wants to see… I know what Spock's gonna ask. Just not Khan. You will be happy to know that when I put this chapter up, I am going to begin updating 'A Second Chance'. I may publish the first chapter of my Glorfee story as well… Anywho.**

**Any other readers out there?**

**Anybody? *echoes***

**Hellooooooooo?**

***sighs***

**Rousdower out.**


	3. Chapter 3

"I would like to see one who's ability to get out of tricky situations rivals that of Mr. Spock's" Khan said, glaring between the still intact cryotubes that contained his people and Spock.

"Noooo problemo," the bunny said with a wink.

With a puff of green smoke, a very strange person appeared. He stared around with wide green eyes and everyone couldn't help but notice that most of his clothing was green.

"What's up with all the green?" Kirk asked, with an eyebrow raised.

The man snapped around and glared at him.

"It's my _color_," he snipped.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Khan's eyes widened, "I know this man."

The man in green looked at him, "Really? Because I am fairly certain that _I_ don't know _you_." He ended the sentence with a stern look.

Khan rolled his eyes, "What_ever_. You are Loki, Norse god of mischief and lies."

Loki (once again, come _on_ people. We all knew it was him) grinned, "Hey! The first human who actually recognizes me!"

"I admit. This person is infinitely better at getting himself out of rough spots," Khan said with a smirk.

Spock merely shrugged.

"Told ya," the rabbit said smugly.

"Oh, shut up," muttered Kirk.

Spock spoke up, "I have a request if it is not to much trouble."

The rabbit twitched it's ears.

"I wish to see someone, who's intellect is even greater than Khan's."

"Done."

A puff of grey smoke and a tall man with black curly hair appeared. Everyone's mouth fell open. He looked exactly like Khan… except with curly hair and a suit. Khan looked a little pale.

The man locked gazes with Khan and he raised an eyebrow.

"This is rather odd…" the man said.

"Who are you…" Khan whispered.

"I? I am Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective. Only one in the world as a matter of fact… _Why_, is there a rabbit here? Where am I anyways? And why is there a man dressed in the likeness of a Norse god?" Sherlock ran a hand through his curly hair, "I must be dreaming… that is the only possible explanation… Only logical one…"

"How is he any smarter than myself?" Khan said.

Sherlock's head snapped around and he glared at him, "When was your last act of terrorism?"

Khan's eyes widened.

Sherlock smirked, "Oh, yes. Even though this is a dream, I can tell you are a terrorist. Not only by the way the people in this room, except for that tattooed one in the corner, are carrying themselves, but by the general malcontent held in your eyes. Need I give more evidence? Very well, I shall keep-"

"Eh. Nope," said the rabbit.

"What-" Sherlock started.

"Nobody wants to see you deduce," Loki sniffed.

"Is that what it's called?" Kirk asked.

Khan rolled his eyes.

Suddenly, Loki said, "Who wants to party!?"

"Party? I like parties. Is there going to be wine?" Thranduil said excitedly.

"You already have wine," Sherlock pointed out.

Thranduil looked down at his glass, "Will there be _more_ wine?"

Loki waved his staff and a disco ball appeared (and a table full of wine). Everyone began dancing, excepting Khan, Sherlock, and Spock, who went to their own corner and discussed serious, grown-up things.

All of the sudden, the rabbit turned evil and summoned a Fellbeast, which, in turn, devoured all of the people in the room. With a maniacal laugh the rabbit screeched out, "I'M LATE! I'M LATE! FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE! NO TIME TO SAY HELLO, GOODBYE! I'M LATE, I'M LATE, I'M LATE! MWAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

He then disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke into another dimension, where he accidently angered the leader of the rabbit clan to which he belonged and was sentenced to death by bunny guillotine.

**A/N: That's a wrap!**

**It is quite possibly the stupidest thing I've ever written! MWHAHAHAHAHHAAAHAHAHA!**

**MWAHA!**

**Thank you to- EABrandon, Teapot of transformation, and Wunderkind4006 to whom I send a huge thank you for the idea of Sherlock! No, the Fellbeast was no Digby. This Fellbeast's name is Marco. He belongs to Arnold (one of the nine). MWAHA.**

**Rousdower out_**


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